Now that the educational series is over and you know how the wife got “knocked up” here’s an update on what has happened since. Apparently she is too busy growing a child and all that jazz so she has forced me into this.
-The baby likes unhealthy food. The Turk has caused us to fall off the organic, non-processed bandwagon. Yes, both of us. Who can say no to delicious Chik-fil-a french fries when your wife is chowing down on them? Also, apparently growing a human makes you hungry. Mandi doesn’t do well hungry. We stop for snacks frequently.
-While the first trimester was full of queasiness, nausea and sleep, so far I have yet to see the statement that the second trimester is the “best you’ll ever feel” like all of those pregnancy books try to tell you holds any validity. Unless your memory only extends three months, it is definitely not the best time of your life. The parasite (Hi parasite, I mean that lovingly of course!) inside is still sucking the life out and apparently stretching the wife’s muscles much further than her body would prefer. Remember when you were five and you could run all day, fall down a hill, get a concussion, scrape a knee and be good to go the next day? That was the best you’ve ever felt.
-Maternity clothes are an interesting item. Why do they sell the same item at each store for a different price? Linen pants at one store $50, $15 at the other, same for green button up shirt, work pants, tank tops and so on. Yeah the quality was better, but not that much. Unless you are some teenager in trouble, it seems to me you would be pleased to show off the baby in the “look it isn’t fat, its a baby” kind of way and try to draw people’s attention to the babe, not your growing, “hey did you get implants?” boobs. Apparently clothing designers disagree. Try to find one dressy/work maternity top that doesn’t have glitter, ruffles or a fancy design above where your baby bump will ever reach. If you do, send it to us, we’re still looking.
-Watching the process does not make me want to experience it, contrary to every woman who has been pregnant seems to think. Listening to you go on about how it was the most wonderful experience and all has not caused a change of heart, nor, I’m willing to bet, will watching it shoot out of a really tiny hole. So far the getting up in the middle of the night to pee, trying not to puke and feeling “gas bubbles that don’t go away” (kicks) does not sound all that amazing, nor does toting around a 5 to 10 pounder under my skin during the summer months.
-We heard the Turk’s heartbeat at the last two midwife appointments, which is awesome. Not, however, a bring the video camera, hold hands and cry sort of way, more of a huh, that thing is really in there, type of way. Our feelings on this make it awkward, as we feel like we should me more thrilled, elated and deeply moved by this wonderful bonding experience we are having with it and others are judging us for are lack of compassion. Welcome to a life of us being underwhelmed with emotional moments Turk. We still do love you, I promise!
-Apparently people love an active baby. At least 5 health professionals have commented on the active status of the Turk, despite his limited ability to control his motor function at this early stage. This makes people excited. Um, only if an active Turk does not necessarily mean an equally active babe. I mean this thing was kicking around so much when the midwife used the Doppler she had trouble getting an accurate read on the heartbeat.
Seriously though, I am enjoying the pregnancy and looking forward to the Turk’s arrival. It’s mostly great, especially from the outside, and the kid is already training me to do its biding by refusing to move when I try to feel it. Hopefully Mandi will be able to share her kinder, more interesting thoughts on family next week and forever more.